so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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