why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
