I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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