Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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