The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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