Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
