i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
