i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
