this boner is exhausting
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
