when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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