Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
