You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
