my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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