Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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