drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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