coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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