totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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