Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
