When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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