I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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