Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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