I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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