Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
