I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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