He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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