First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
