There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
