Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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