i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
