we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
