Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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