They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
