I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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