walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
