This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
