I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
