no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
