he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
