My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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