So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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