PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
