You can't special order awesome
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
40s are totally the cure
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
