The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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