you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
