I just saw a hot homeless man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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