he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
