Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
