So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
