they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
