her vagine was all disorganized.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
