I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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