Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't make out with my wife yet
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
