you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
