I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
