I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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