I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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