Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
