I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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